A GREAT ELDER IN THE SPIRITUAL COMMUNITY WHOM I HAD THE LUXURY OF MEETING WHEN I WAS 18 YEARS OF AGE. HER NAME WAS EVA. SHE WAS AN INSPIRATION AND A GREAT MENTOR AND SPIRITUAL LEADER WITH 70 PLUS YEARS EXPERIENCE IN AFRO-CUBAN SPIRITUAL WORK, MEDIUMSHIP, CLAIRVOYANCE, AND ANCESTRAL HEALING. SHE PASSED AWAY ONE YEAR AGO AT THE AGE OF 93. MAY HER SPIRIT REST IN PEACE.
Let’s touch on a sensitive situation for many in the Òrísha community (whether or not you are initiated/ordained). It is my personal belief the following perspective is definitely not new but it has reached a greater level of danger and abuse at its most pervasive stage in modern day society. Countless of times I have spoken on the fact Òrísha practice (dedication, worship, devotion, tradition) is not necessarily a “religion”, but more so a way of life. In the New World, it is where it began to lose its “way of life” practice to become more of a religion.
There is not a universal consensus view on what religion is. Different walks of life defines religion in a way that allows their belief to stand out and seem unique. Theologians, sociologists and anthropologists have their own way of attempting to understand religion as well. But one thing I have been able to observe throughout my life is, when we use the term religion, it tends to place certain people within a religious practice, at a higher pedestal than others based on various factors. The more you “represent” what such religious practice dictates is acceptable, the “holier” you are found to be (as if almost giving a subtle interpretation of you being “better” than someone else who faces different challenges).
THE POINT OF THIS SHARE: Godparents, your GODCHILD is NOT your SUBORDINATE. Your Godchild is, what I would like to coin as, your EQUAL IN TRAINING. Whether or not they learn enough to become your equal (assuming you as a Godparent know anything at all to begin with), is to be determined by your Godchild’s willingness, effort, desire, commitment, and hunger to learn. There is much to understand here.
If we embrace the previous point, then it leaves room for a Godparent to understand and accept the notion that their Godchild represents them wherever they go and that therefore, it is in the Godparent’s best interest to make sure his/her Godchild has access to all that needs to be learnt. This also leaves us with the understanding that you as a Godparent should not block, prevent, interfere with your Godchild’s learning process, for you would be breaking the unspoken vows you agreed to when accepting to be someone’s Godparent.
ANOTHER GREAT ELDER OF MINE. PRIESTESS OF SHANGÓ. THOUGH SHE WAS NOT BLOOD RELATED TO ME, I CONSIDERED HER TO BE MY AUNT. SHE WAS MY FATHER’S ÒRÍSHA GOD SISTER (THIS MEANS, HER CROWNING GOD PARENT WAS MY FATHER’S CROWNING GOD PARENT AS WELL). I LEARNT SO MUCH FROM HER. MAY HER SPIRIT REST IN PEACE.
SECOND MAJOR POINT: As a spiritual and an ancestral healer, who has been in Òrísha tradition since the day I came into this world, it is my life observation that, as crazy as the following might sound to you, your Godparent’s approach and how they choose to be in relationship with you, is determined by how they were in relationship with their own parent. READ IT AGAIN!
Allow me to elaborate a little. In Afrika, Òrísha devotion as a way of life taught many principles and values that were present from the moment you came out of your mother’s womb. Responsibility, commitment, respect, and dedication. Love and appreciation for family, community, and nature. As well as humility, maintaining a balanced energy/spirit, understanding relationship is a two way street, and you would also learn the meaning of sacrifice. These were some of the basic but most important values you would learn growing up. It was embedded in your spirit who molds your character.
In the New World though, as a result of the transatlantic slave trade, the brainwashing and indoctrination enslaved Afrikans were subjected to, much of this Yoruban/Òrísha way of life, would slowly lose its original essence. The enslaved Afrikans maintained it as best as they could and were allowed to. And whomever had the opportunity to witness it through them, were fortunate and I am sure they (the offsprings and descendants) tried their best to mirror such beautiful teachings. But the truth of the matter is that in the diaspora, such natural way of life would be disrupted by the adaption of the then, colonizers worldview. A worldview of ownership, power and control. Over time, this mind frame would mesh with a “religious” way of life, killing what Òrísha practice should really be.
Òrísha tradition as it is seen today, seems more like a quid pro quo and/or a transactional relationship, when in reality Òrísha devotion, tradition, is NOT transactional. It is not a quid pro quo practice. As my Soul Sister Dr. Nzinga says: “Two people or entitities in transaction do not have the same purpose... Two entities in cooperation, DO”. This means that cooperation and transaction are NOT the same thing.
But because many people today sadly lack a sense of identity, and feel like becoming a Godparent will empower them in a way they lacked pre-crowning/pre-priesthood, it is ignored the fact that they also bring along with them lots of their unresolved and unhealed parts of them. This leaves room for mental/psychological abuse, emotional abuse, spiritual abuse, and crazily enough, even physical abuse. Your Godchild is NOT your property (no one is).
If you lacked attention from your parents, this doesn’t give you the power to become a Godparent that always require attention from your Godchildren. If you grew up in an environment where gossip (chisme) was the main course served, this does not give you the right to gossip and share your Godchild’s private life with other Godchildren or other people in the Òrísha community. If anger and lack of emotional control was a norm for you, this does not give you the green light to lash out on your Godchild. And it definitely does not give you a pass on putting your hands on them nor calling them out of their name. If you grew up in an environment where the main value was money and possessions, it is spiritually unethical to reject assisting those who are in true need and may not have the means. If you grew up in an environment where procrastination was the order of the day, you do not have the right to procrastinate on your Godchild’s healing path. At the end of the day, you did to order their healing. Òrísha did!
If you grew up feeling invisible, this doesn’t give you an excuse to want to be the center of attention in your so-called “religious” house nor the right to ignore your Godchild when he/she is in true need. If you grew up in an environment where sexual behavior was loose, this doesn’t grant you access to your Godchild’s private parts. I can go on and on and on. Bottom line is, heal your MF self before wanting to become someone’s Godparent all for the sake of power, ego, and control. When I say heal yourself, this does not mean you have to be perfect. But it does mean you have to work through the things that when left unresolved, unattended, and un-healed, will further traumatize the individual that is suppose to find a safe haven under your care and guidance.
Though each and every one of us has some form of experience that falls under the category of trauma (whether we are consciously aware of it or not), and though none of us, regardless of where we come from and who we are, are perfect, I never experienced any form of abuse from the elders I grew up around in Òrísha tradition (and they were many). Again, were they perfect? Definitely not. Was I able to observe many imperfections? Most definitely. Could I even identify some of their own personal traumas? YES! But….. I was never subjected to disrespect, humiliation, nor abuse by them. And for this I am eternally grateful. This level of gratefulness brings tears of joy to my eyes.
Godfather/Godmother, know what your true role is in Òrísha practice. And if you are aware you are not equipped to be the Godfather/Godmother the person knocking on your door needs, at least respect yourself by not disrespecting Òrísha. Even when your heart is in the right place, it is ok to say, I am not ready to be a Godparent. We have as much religious orphans in Òrísha practice as their are biological orphans in the world (if not more). This madness MUST stop! Modupé!! Ashéoooo….
If you can relate and understand this share, don’t forget to click the heart and leave a comment. Share your story and experience with me.
Divine Love,
Spiritual Doctor AFI
